Hello tribe,
The past couple of weeks, I have been focusing on empowerment from toxic relationships. This week, I want to talk about the WITHDRAWAL that will occur when you end those relationship dynamics in many cases.
I never knew that this was a thing until I experienced it myself and described it to a friend of mine as feeling like “withdrawal.” I started researching this experience to see if anyone else had in fact gone through a drug-like withdrawal from love. YES, it is actually very common, especially when you feel you are in a bit of a love addiction. This means that you use relationships to escape your wounds and pains. The same high we can get from drugs, can be felt through the chemicals released in these relationships. When we withdrawal by having no contact, we can experience physical symptoms and emotional swings.
In my own experience, I felt like I was missing something. I felt like I must be in love, because I could not stop thinking about the person. Later I realized it was not love, it was the loss of the object of my addiction. Somewhere inside of me I knew this and I kept going with no contact. I kept filling myself with myself. I read books, listened to podcasts and found videos that supported my experience.
As soon as we know what it is, we can stop the confusion and accept the process.
In my latest video I explain this in detail.
You can watch the video here.
Here is a list of symptoms you may experience:
Mood swings
Extreme panic, pain, depression
Losing self
Crying, wailing
Feeling crazy
Can’t sleep
Obsessive thoughts
Think you are in love
Emptiness
Loss of direction or passions
Fear of never finding this connection again
The lesson we get to learn through the withdrawal process is that we are not coming face to face with the part of ourselves we have been AVOIDING for too long. The part that needs US, not another. The part that hurts and no longer wants you to hide from it, but embrace it. Love addiction comes from emotional neglect, abandonment, attachment trauma. We can heal this by attaching healthfully to OUR OWN HEART. Our inner child is aching for YOU, not another. When our thoughts go to that person, we need to bring them back to ourselves. EVERY TIME you have an obsessive thought, think about what you can do RIGHT NOW to make your life and your future better. Self improvement and growth are the medicine.
In my experience, it takes about 3-4 weeks of pain until we start to see the light and feel different. It goes faster when we remind ourselves that it was not HEALTHY love and therefore NEVER would be. This type of dynamic only happens when there are two wounded people who react from the wound and fill each other instead of sharing one another. It is temporary and when that FANTASY starts to wear off, when you start to see that the other person truly WON’T be able to heal your pain, you start to unravel. Your withdrawal from the fantasy sets in. You fight to keep the fantasy real. You fight to change them into the person you need them to be. But ultimately the truth of who they are is what will set you free to find it within yourself as that is the only place your HEALING can happen.
This is an important subject that is not talked about enough. We must become Sovereign, emotionally autonomous and financially independent in order to own our power and heal to wholeness.
I am here for you, I have been there and the withdrawal is no joke. You will make it through and you must choose YOU above all else.
Please see my WAITLISTS below and coaching availability.
Boundaries Bootcamp
Emotional Rehab Waitlist
Shadow Work waitlist
Lots of Love,
Candace
