Seriously, what do you want? When I ask this question to people I get the same answer 90% of the time and it might not be what you would expect. The answer I get is “well, what do you mean?”
The truth is, we all know what we want and therefore we also know who we are. We think we don’t know because we have spent so much time being afraid. This is a hard one to admit, but it is true. We are afraid of nothing more than BEING who we truly are.
For me, I spent a LOT of time being one foot in and one foot out. This was a safe place for me because then I never had to fully commit. If we never fully commit then we are also never putting all of OURSELVES into anything. This is how most of us live, we live “partially” and it is not fulfilling at all. When we experience this unfulfillment we then begin searching outside of ourselves to be completed or filled or even satisfied. The reason we do this is so that we can remain safe or in a space of comfort. It is more comfortable to survive and exist then it is to live right? Ummmm, NO! But many of us certainly think so.
When we don’t fully commit to being who we are, we will never experience a fulfilled life. We will never really be satisfied for any length of time and we definitely will not be in a place of empowerment. When we live this way we are in a constant cycle of giving our power away. We give it away to other people, our careers, we even give it away to strangers if they look at us the wrong way.
There is no blame in doing this because the truth is that it is VERY challenging to OWN YOUR TRUTH. My entire life has been a practice of doing just that. I can tell you that today I am owning who I am in ways I never imagined and it feels really amazing but it was not easy and it has taken me a really long time.
So how do we own our truth? What is the first step and how can we trust this process? I can tell you my story because in telling our own story it is also an act of owning it. The first step is to get real, be honest with yourself and stop blaming others for your inability to live ALL IN. Sure, things happened to you but there is an empowered way to look at this. Things don’t actually happen to us, they happen for us. Instead of continuing to be a victim, we get to reclaim our own authority. You can start to see the events in your life as if they were happening to wake you up further rather than hold you down. These events happen so that you can remember the whole reason you came into this life in the first place. You are reawakened to your purpose and they serve as the appetizer to stand in your mission. When we start to see that the universe is supporting us rather than punishing us, our fear begins to subside.
The next step is to Believe. Believe the vision you have for yourself, believe your biggest dreams as if they are already real. You cannot have one ounce of doubt. Your life will reflect to you exactly where you are at. If you have self doubt, you are not in a place of belief. Part of my story is that I always knew what my dreams where. I began to live them when I was very young. However I had a childhood that resulted in a pretty negative self image. I fought to create a better self image for myself but I was fighting for it WHILE fighting against the old one.
Each time something would “happen” that seemed to confirm the old negative image I held for myself, I would fall back into doubt. This went on for so many years I can’t even say 😉 Finally one day I was DONE. I was done living in a constant rollercoaster of perceived power and then powerlessness. That’s what I felt, powerless. When we are constantly giving our power away to the “powers” we perceive to be outside of ourselves, we’ve got nothing, there is no inner stability and our lives reflect that.
So I quit my 15 year career as a model and actress and I went back to school. I stopped the madness of constantly needing people, clients and work to remind me that the favorable version of myself is in fact the true version. I wanted to know on my own that this positive image was the one I could finally claim for myself.
By taking myself out of the arena of multiple opinions, perfectionist ideals and societal status I found my True Self. When no one else’s opinion of me was even welcome in my world, I found my own opinion of myself. Without any measurement to measure against, standard to reach or people to please, I learned to start pleasing myself. I learned how to honor my own opinion over the opinions of others but also the world. We are not of this world but we have to live in it. I no longer need anyone to confirm or deny my own sense of self, I own my truth.
This is a daily practice for me. I wake up each day asking myself what I would like to do today and why. The “why” is everything. It is important to always do things because it feels good and not because you need something from it or because you need to confirm or deny anything about yourself. If you find yourself not knowing what you want to do, that is also good. It is better to not know then to be driven by a need or a fear. Keep asking questions and your inner guidance will lead you.
Today my life looks quite different than it used to. It is my deepest Joy to share what I have learned and to just BE Me. Every day feels like a holiday because I no longer NEED something from my day and I no longer NEED anything from anyone else. I never did, but I certainly thought I did. I have learned to just RELAX. I live to share my experiences from an authentic, real and wise place. Recently I came to the realization that I would never want to change ONE second of my past. That was the moment I came into complete acceptance of everything that is. When this happened I also found a profound LOVE for myself and respect for everyone around me.
To know what you want, you must first ignore what you think everyone else wants and what you think everyone else expects of you. Your entire life is an inside job that only YOU can create. When we start to live to please ourselves we start to notice that others are also pleased and if they are not, it is ok. When you live according to your own truth, you become stable, committed and secure. This is something you will never find outside until you find it within.
My wish for anyone reading this is that you feel empowered by knowing that it is truly ALL up to you. Your life becomes everything you are searching for when you turn your search inward.
Have a beautiful day, Namaste.