Abandonment! The number one killer of most relationships and I will explain why. Something happened to us when we were really young that created a feeling of being abandoned. Perhaps a parent left our lives or both parents. Perhaps we percieved a situation where someone else was being chosen OVER us. Whatever it was that happened, we started to tell ourselves a story about how we are not worthy. We started to believe that someone else was better or we are being rejected which started to develop a sense of competition, jealousy and need. This all makes perfect sense but I am here to tell you a deeper truth about your situation. When we were “abandoned” and started to tell ourselves these reasons of why; we also started creating misinterpretations about this situation. We started telling our little selves that we were abandoned because we were not good enough, something was wrong with us. We are not pretty enough, significant enough, special enough, talented enough or just not loveable. At this point we also made contracts with ourselves for years to come. These contracts look something like . . . . “to get love I have to be the best”. “To get love I have to be needed”. ” To be loveable I need to be a supermodel”. “To be loved I have to have special powers”. ” To be loved I have to be the smartest, most successful, most beautiful talented person”.
You get my point. I am here to let you know that there is a much deeper reason for this abandonment. From the spiritual perspective, abandonment teaches us to get in touch with our TRUTH. What does this mean? Our truth is our souls essence. We are all divine beings having a human experience. When you start to see that you are actually “one” with all that is, you can start to get a bigger perspective of who you REALLY are. You are not just a person who was born to have a job and create a family and have some fun. No, you are actually a soul who came here to heal certain issues within yourself and in the world. These issues come to us in certain situations by certain people and they feel awful from the human perspective but if you can see from the spiritual perspective you will start to realize they are your greatest “push” towards purpose. I always tell my clients to follow their pain. Our pain is our purpose! Pain is showing you that something in your thinking is wrong and in some way you are not being unconditional with yourself. Without pain there is no passion, without suffering there is usually no looking deeper. Whatever hurts you is an indication that you have something to heal, that you are seeing through the eyes of misinterpretation and that you are creating resistance to what is. As soon as we resist anything and see it as something happening TO us we have adopted victim mentality and stopped the flow of our own growth and creativity.
Abandonment teaches us that we do not need the opinions, acceptance or validation from anyone outside of our own wisdom. It show us how painful it is to be rejected from others and initially we may fall into patterns that will stop the pain. These patterns often look like (making ourselves perfect so we wont be rejected) (people pleasing so we wont be left) (conforming to societal norm) (compromising what we really need and want just to feel safe) (morphing into whatever the person you worship, I mean love wants you to be).
All of these attemps to stop the pain or pattern of abandonment are just your way of trying to mask this belief you have that started the first time you were abandoned. The belief was that you some how deserved the abandonment or even created it and since you have that belief you now create that in your life over and over again. The first step is to forgive yourself for this misinterpretation that you deserved it or it was because of you. The next step is to forgive your abandoner and the last step is to see the truth. The truth is that it was done to you and has nothing to do with you. Once you truly realize it has nothing to do with you, you will then come into the knowing that you have set up your life in a way that refects that misbelief for all these years.
With this new imformation that you are actually loveable and worthy of love, acceptance, abundance you can start to create that and thank “abandonment” for teaching you that the real pain has only come when we have abandoned ourselves BECAUSE we thought thats what we deserved. We learned to worship the opinions of others and we believed there was some reason we were being abandoned. The rejection from others ONLY bothers us becasue we allow them to take our power and then reject ourselves. I encourage you to try my test. Look at the first time you were abandoned. Look with the wisdom of knowing it had nothing to do with you. Look at the situations in your life right now that mimic that first abandonment. Tell yourself that this all happened to show you that all you need is the wisdom of your own heart, to love yourself unconditionally and to never doubt, question or reject yourself. Then look at your life today and the next time you have this feeling, send it love. The next time this fear comes up inside just watch it, don’t believe it but instead let it go as a misinterpretation, not a truth.
It is a beautiful day when we can heal from something we have bought into for a very long time. To watch an old pain or patterm dissove because we simply choose “LOVE” instead is what it is all about.
Good luck on your journey back home to self love!
for questions and comments email me : candacevandell@gmail.com
My Q and A section should be set up by next week!
Peace and LOVE to all!
