Living in the know is something I wish for everyone. I can say that it is only recently in the past two years that I have fully embraced my KNOWING! My passion and mission in this life is to teach others how to do this in their own lives. Hense my creation of the coaching group I put together called the “truth room” that I host at my house monthly to coach on this subject. My journey is very unique as all of ours are but there are some specific truth’s I have discovered on my path that have turned my “want to believe” into complete “certainty”.
At age 15 I had an awakening to some deep spiritual understandings in my life. I had connected to something higher than myself and it felt like a “miracle”. All of my childhood misinterpretations were suddenly cleared up and understood from a loving place. Shortly after that awakening I felt FEAR come in and I did NOT know WHY or what to do about this. This time in my life I call the spiritual crisis.
At this time I ran to the book store and picked up any book I could find about spiritual law as I knew whatever was going on with me was deep and confusing. I needed a “spiritual psychologist” that at the time did not exist yet 😉 So instead I picked up some Deepak Chopra and got to work on studying spiritual law.
Looking back at my high school years I see that what I was searching for was PROOF! I needed certainty that I could TRUST this wise voice inside. I was ashamed that I did not know how to use my gift and also angry at God for giving this gift to me without instructions. My lifes work became TRUTH seeking. I looked everywhere for confirmation of this inner knowing and at the same time I knew that whatever I was feeling was going to be reflected onto the world so it was a complete double edged sword. You can imagine the frustration!
So I lived in this world of opposites! I started modeling that year as well so I was searching for TRUTH and living in an EGO based industry. Wow what a doozy 😉 I guess you could say that the fear took over me from time to time but I always left the door open for truth. At the same time I resisted it due to my distrust in this whole process. For years I searched for spiritual confirmation of how it worked, why I had this awareness and what was it all for.
I looked to my boyfriends to save me from this confusion and sense of being lost that the ego instilled inside my head. That never worked as no one can save you but yourself 😉 I looked for career validation but in this industry you will never be enough whether you are the prettiest, skinniest ect as everyone is looking for a certain something and you can NOT possibly be EVERYONES PERFECT 😉 (Thank goodness) that would be exhausting!
After a couple decades of this termoil I finally decided that this fear based way of living was NOT the way. This holding pattern I was in was starting to kill me and I recognized that each time I was close to a dream coming true, the ego (fear) would raise its powerful head and snatch it from me! How on earth was I to guard against this? I had only one option left at this point of feeling completely UNFULFILLED . . . . I chose to detach from the outside world and to SURRENDER!. I was not finding anything outside of myself so now I was pretty sure that I would find it inside. This took a LOT since I now had a LOT of built up resentment at myself for not KNOWING sooner and having to go through all of this ego stuff but none the less I had no other option at this point and that alone was the GIFT.
Through taking two years off from my ego based way of funtioning and turning to my Intuition on a daily basis I was able to slowly ween myself off of the fear. Each time something would come up to “trigger” me I would look it IN THE FACE and ask it what it wanted. No more funning from fear but instead I embraced it. I would talk to my fear like it was a part of me and not separate. I did not reject it but instead welcomed it into me to become whole again. This was the first step.
The second thing I did was allow myself to feel what the fear was afraid of. No matter how crazy it sounded I would allow myself to not judge it but instead allow it to be expressed. By doing this I could see that it infact was not real but it was a “real” fear and the truth is that fear is just an illusion and never real. By having concrete PROOF of this reality I was beginning to trust my intuition even more.
You see, it is a process of feeding the intuition on a regular basis. We are not taught this when we are younger so it is new and it will take some time and some slips but that is ok becasue you are doing the work 😉
Don’t get me wrong. . . I was tested a LOT, almost daily at the beginning. These tests are important because they are key points that show you what you are worshiping. The God of fear or the God of LOVE. This is what it means when people say that life is a choice. I truly belive and know that our dreams are our reality if we have full faith in LOVE. There can NOT be an ounce of doubt. Take it from me, someone who had more doubt than you could ever imagine but at the same time I had more desire to believe than anyone. I wanted so badly for this new wisdom I had found as a teenager to be TRUE and I was determined to find out HOW I could live with this certainty each and every day. I didn’t think it would take this long but honestly it was WORTH IT!
This is a short blog about Fear as my intention is to write a little bit each day about the way things work so that little by little it will sink in for my readers and not too much at once. Pretty soon I will have a Q & A set up as well for questions and inquiries.
My message today is to become aware of these “triggers”. These ego moments and to allow them, forgive them and then release them. Start today on your path to trusting your own inner guidance and living the life you were born to live!
For questions please email me @ firstname.lastname@example.org