Hello beautiful friends,
I hope your week has been well so far. With this full moon in LEO, a lot of energy around family and unresolved karma has been surfacing. For me personally, I have been guided strongly into claiming the parts of my inner child that still felt left out of my own life (Not all in). Does that sound familiar? the parts of us that feel incomplete or uncertain can be healed by opening our consciousness up to the parts of our inner child that still feels separated from us.
Let the parts of your life that feel incomplete or off in some way, be your guide back into Self for some additional healing. The incomplete parts of our lives are a reflection of the in-completion of our own connection to our deepest pain and trauma.
As a child, I always felt so DIFFERENT. I also felt incredibly MISUNDERSTOOD. If you were like me, I built up a wall to these differences as I thought they were what was responsible for my pain. If I wasn’t different, I wouldn’t have pain, I would be understood and I wouldn’t feel WRONG. I would fit into society’s ways and there wouldn’t be any struggle or problems.
As I started awakening in my later teens, I started to see that my differences were not negative but in fact positive. Fitting into your own heart is far more important than fitting into the NORM. But as we are growing up, that belonging piece is like life or death. However, knowing this intellectually certainly did not change things for me internally. I dealt with inner child wounds for YEARS until I learned how to integrate and align the two while upgrading my perspective on the Universe verses Society.
In my latest video “Living One Foot In and One Foot Out” (video at the top of this article), I talk about WHY so many of us are living one foot in and one foot out. We do this because part of ourselves is STILL not on board with our authentic self. This missing piece is the inner child wounding that CAN NOT BE HEALED with the mind. It must be healed through experiential learning. What this means is to go inside to the places that hurt and hear the pain, sadness etc. Understand that these emotions are not happening NOW but they are stuck in time and being triggered by NOW circumstances that resemble the original wound.
With the awareness that these feelings can not hurt us now, we can feel more safe to ALLOW ourselves to experience them from the point of the neutral observer.
“I am not my emotion, but my emotion needs me to hold for it, so that it can be released.” This is how we start to integrate. Recently I was experiencing a lot of SADNESS. Instead of ignoring it or writing it off as hormones, I went into it. I allowed it to show me something I was missing. It happened to be the “DIFFERENT” subject I was talking about.
I clearly have a career that is outside the box and I feel very validated in that way. BUT, there was another layer and this was around family. I have always had the ideal of the white picket fence (like so many of us). If I have the picket fence family then I won’t have to be fully different than the norm. (That was the part that was still not fully committed to my own Authenticity).
The reality is that I am 42, married with step kids but no children of my own. It was never a focus for me because my own healing and career were so fulfilling. I recently revisited the subject and got a clear answer to how I will proceed and ultimately what MY family will look like. Once again confirming that I am just NOT that white picket fence kind of girl. BUT I finally had to let go of the part of me that was still holding onto the vision that I am “supposed” to create the dang picket fence, so that I wont be “FULLY” different. That part of my (inner child) had not caught up with my adult self and choices. She needed more validation that her way was ok with me (alignment & integration). So there was a part that was still not ALL IN.
As I took a look at this deeper, I saw that the picket fence was not what was going to protect me from feeling different, alone, wrong or left out. The thing that would prevent me from feeling those things and what was ultimately creating my sadness, was to stop LEAVING OUT MY TRUTH. To stop having this ideal picket fence over my REAL and to release myself from this silly OLD idea that being a societal norm was somehow going to save me from my pain. Having the white picket fence was also not necessary because I am already happy and fulfilled. In fact that IDEAL was the one thing still standing in my way from being ALL IN with my own heart.
I talk a lot about ideals and reals. These ideals we create for ourselves to keep ourselves safe. To be some sort of measure that we are ENOUGH, GOOD, SUCCESSFUL is often times what holds us back from our true sense of WORTH & FULFILLMENT.
I hope this message serves you in some way. The best part of life in my opinion, is finding the doorways to more freedom within, inner peace and ultimately living our AUTHENTIC TRUTH. Sending you all a huge dose of love.
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I hope you all have a beautiful weekend,