The hardest thing I ever did was AWAKEN. I want to talk to you guys about emotional pain! The pain that is created from disconnect in childhood. The pain that remains stuck in our bodies and psyches until we dive into the otherwise ignored, avoided past experiences.

The early experiences we go through that are less than perfect are ok. When we go through these WITHOUT emotional support is when we birth TRAUMA. We did not get resolve when we were at school being bullied. We did not have someone to understand our high sensitivity or to talk to about why certain things hurt us worse than others. We did not have someone to tell when someone crossed our boundaries. We did not know where to turn when a teacher made us feel small or completely wrong. We did not have a place to go when our Father was abusive or drinking and passed out. We did not have a support team when Mom was gone or being abused by her boyfriend in front of us. We did not know who to tell when we were assaulted by a “trusted” authority figure. We did not know who to call when we simply did not fit into our family or social group. We did not have a SAFE HAVEN.

It is not your fault! Your pain is not your fault!!!

So often when I am coaching, the first thing I hear is “I should have done this or that.” “If I would have done something different I would not feel this pain.” “I hate myself for still hurting or having self doubt.”

I was that person long ago! I was crippled by self doubt, because I thought after doing some inner work that I would be more confident or be able to believe in myself more. NO! It takes time and sometimes years to heal the deep wounds we have from lack of support and mirroring!

I started believing in myself entirely when I started to see that it wasn’t my FAULT. The adults and authority figures in my life had failed me. My pain was not because of me. Just think about how you would treat a child if you were totally healed and centered. You can see that you would ONLY come to them with support, compassion and unconditional love. We are treated the way they were treated. When people have pain, they project that pain until they heal that pain.

I am never one to blame others, but I am one to point out the unhealed parts in others so that they can take responsibility and rise up into their higher self.

So please think about this today. If you are in pain, it is NOT YOUR FAULT!

Here is my recent video on the subject:

trauma-candace-van-dell
https://youtu.be/vGyPx_U35Wg

Please know I am here for you! We are all in this together and CONNECTION is what heals the loneliness!

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