Over the past few years I have been practicing and coaching on self healing. What I am referring to is emotional healing. Many of us still believe that we need something “outside” of ourselves to happen in order to start healing. We look for someone else to heal us and we avoid at all costs the feelings we must face in order to begin this process.
I could talk all day long about self healing because it is my favorite subject and also because I believe there is a lack of understanding on this topic. This is the age of self empowerment and my greatest joy comes not only from having empowered myself, but also sharing my tools with others in a way that facilitates your own awareness of your own self healing abilities.
What does it mean to be empowered? I have seen first hand with myself and my own healing as well as the many clients I coach that we all have the ability to give ourselves exactly what we need. I will take it one step further and say that we are actually the ONLY person who can give ourselves what we need.
You have seen it time and time again how people have these temporary “band-aids”. Band-aids are bands that cover your wounds and they come in many shapes, colors and sizes. Band-aids can be people, relationships, career gains, money, food, shopping, drama, over exercise, anything that makes us forget the pain and cover up our wound for a little while. Band-aids are not what make us heal, they “protect” our wound so that our body can begin the healing process. People fail to realize that what your body needs to do physically to heal while that band-aid is on, is also what we need to do in order to heal emotionally. The difference is that our physical wounds heal through the intelligence of our body. Our emotional healing requires our emotional intelligence. In order to use our emotional intelligence we must listen to our emotions.So often people grab for that external band-aid to cover or protect their deeper wound, BUT when we do this, we never do the internal work to heal ourselves emotionally so that we no longer need to change our band-aid. The wound NEVER heals, so each time the band-air is removed, the pain is still as present as ever.
First of all, it is not your fault that you have not done the deeper work. We aren’t taught how to do this and we are not taught that we have the ability to do this within our own selves. Personally I believe this goes on because people shy away from taking responsibility for “possibly causing” this pain in their children. I would like to encourage the perspective that ALL action is LOVE or a call for love. If someone caused your pain, you can guarantee they were also in deep pain. We are only ever victims of victims and to perpetuate this is unnecessary. Instead I hope that people will see that at the base of a lot of our pain is a deep misinterpretation. If we could see this we would release ourselves from blame and therefore acknowledge the pain our children etc might be in. When we acknowledge it we start the healing process rather than ignore it, deny it or gloss over the authentic feelings.
Most of our pain begins with feeling denied, ignored, unloved. If this is what caused the wound in the first place, you can see how continuing the painful pattern of ignoring, denying and not loving your pain will only make it worse.
The truth is we need to treat our emotions like they are little children. Most of our emotional wounds happened when we were little children and they are the parts of ourselves that never felt loved. Instead of continuing to look outside for people to love us, we can begin to realize that we are actually the parent now and we can parent ourselves. It’s ok to admit that you are hurting, in fact you absolutely must admit this to yourself. Once you do, you have the power to allow yourself to feel the feelings, not judge the feelings, but feel them. Once you feel them, you are “acknowledging” them. After you acknowledge a child, they usually stop trying so hard to get your attention don’t they? They may just hang out a little longer and then move on to another activity. This is the same for your wound.
When we allow ourselves to feel, we get to see where it comes from by simply being with the emotion and allowing yourself to feel it. Once we are present with our feelings AND accept our feelings we can begin to know what we need because we are being honest and authentic. Once we do this, we see that all we ever needed was to be heard, validated, understood, matter, loved, paid attention to, played with, hugged etc. You get to do all of this for yourself now.
The moment we realize this deeper wound is only there because we continue to TREAT it the exact way we were treated, which is what created it in the first place . . it stops. It stops because we stop the pattern that was started by someone else. When we stop the pattern and do with ourselves what we wish others did we then release the constant need to cover, protect or look outside ourselves. Our healing is happening from within. We give it all back to ourselves and faster than you could imagine we feel a whole lot better.
There is nothing you need outside of yourself to feel happy and whole. Take your power back and begin your own journey of self healing. One step at a time, one feeling at a time. Start listening to yourself, acknowledging yourself and praising yourself for the courage it takes to face your pain.
Healing is the application of loving to the places that hurt. 😉
For coaching info email me at firstname.lastname@example.org