Hello beautiful tribe,
Get ready for a new topic to explore in my videos, courses and mini coaching circles. I am diving deep into this new piece of the puzzle for emotional healing and relationship dynamics.
We have probably all heard about the 4 attachment styles. The one I will be now focusing on is the one most highly sensitive people who have been traumatized may fall into. This is Disorganized Attachment. It is the most complicated and complex.
Next week my video will go way deeper into the subject matter, so please be sure to be subscribed to my YouTube Channel.
When we grow up in a family where there is inconsistency with emotional care, mirroring or just affection in general… we become fearful of love, but we also crave it deeply. Our primary care taker is not trustworthy to understand us, care for us, emotionally mirror us or even give us that unconditional love we all need and crave in those developmental years.
When this happens, we develop an attachment that is disorganized. We learn that we cannot regulate our own emotions all on our own. We don’t feel safe when we are not attached to another. We feel out of sorts, like we are gasping for air. We also fall into relationships with people that mirror this unhealthy emotional imprint. This looks like people who may be addicted, volatile, inconsistent with their reactions. They may be ignoring or abandoning or even enmeshing. We often feel like we need to walk on eggshells with these folks and our nervous system goes haywire. We also feel that we need to EARN love. This is a replica of our unresolved childhood attachment trauma. We chose these partners so that we can finally heal this pattern. But what happens more often than not is the Re-traumatization.
We can not successfully heal these patterns until we become SECURELY ATTACHED TO OURSELVES.
Next week’s video will help you do this.
To regulate our emotions, we feel a pull to attach. When that attachment is abandoned by us or the other, we fall into crisis. We are searching externally to feel soothed, calmed and to bring us back to stability and peace. This is very dependent on undependable sources of healing.
It is nice to know that there is nothing wrong with you if you feel totally out of sorts when your relationship is in distress. It is also good to know that you may cause this distress simply because you fear love when it gets too close. “Too good to be true.” You may also feel a slight inkling of abandonment and make a snack decision to run, flee, save yourself from this pain. This is all because of your conditioning.
But… There’s great news! There is healing available. Understanding this is key. Then pinpointing your triggers that make you cater to them or run from them. Noticing your discomforts and not making yourself wrong or crazy, but instead just wounded and ready to heal.
By beginning some renewed self compassion and truly jumping into some reparenting, we can end this cycle of fearful love. We can start to see that we are not in survival mode anymore, but our nervous system thinks that we are. You are safe within. You are able to comfort the little child within who wants to run, hide or act out due to this painful love cycle. Securely attaching yourself to yourself will change your life.
I have put a mini group together to dive into this and heal. We start February 2022. You can get on my waitlist here for INNER WORK (small group coaching). We will heal from narcissistic abuse, codependency and attachment issues. The groups will be 5 people max and 1.5 hours long once a week for 8 weeks.
ANNOUNCEMENT: For current clients and new potential clients, we will be raising one-on-one coaching prices starting January 1, 2022. As a courtesy and a thank you for your loyalty, we are offering a heads up. All packages and sessions purchased from NOW until January 1 can be used for 6 months. You will not have to worry about new rates if you purchase your packages at the current rates from now until the end of the year.
The Truth Room will have a new look starting Jan. 1, 2022! I hope you will join my awesome crew of Highly Sensitive People from around the world.
For any questions or comments, please don’t hesitate to respond to this email.