As a former “difficult Child” I come to you with deep compassion, understanding and a new perspective. Let me start by saying that I know you have tried everything and you deeply love your child. This is a real struggle and I understand that no matter what you do, they just will not mind you or back down. Your child is intense, will not let up and holds strong to her/ his belief and conviction. Your child will fight endlessly to be heard, acknowledged and respected. They break you down and make you do things you could not imagine yourself normally doing. Sometimes they bring out the worst in you and they will test your strength (daily).

You may be at the end of your rope, thinking about going to a Doctor for a diagnosis or maybe you have already done that and you are contemplating medication. This message is for YOU!

I was one of those kids and my story started at just 7 years old. If you choose to medicate it may help you out on the surface level. It will be easier for you to control your child as their fire is being dimmed. It will be easier for them to get by in school because they are now being medically stimulated to focus on the task at hand. You will have less power struggles at home because their intense emotion is being numbed out of them. But in the long wrong these psychotropic drugs are disconnecting them from themselves and THAT is the problem in the first place. They will fit better into society, but their purpose is to create a SHIFT in society, a shift in perspective.

These children ARE different, but it is not a bad difference, it is one the world needs! They think differently, they are innovators and they are here to usher in a new paradigm that our society desperately needs. They will not and cannot conform, which will eventually force the system to make necessary changes. These kids are coming into the world at a greater rate than ever before for this reason. The more there are of them, the less power and control our current system will have over them.

The point here is that “how you relate to the issue IS the issue”. We relate to these kids like they are disordered, wrong, bad, difficult and shameful. When we relate to them in this way, this is how they learn to relate to themselves. I am sure you have noticed that even though your child is a challenge, they are also insightful, imaginative, refreshing in a way. Your child is always on the go and has a LOT of energy. They focus for long periods of time on the things that interest them and not at all on things that don’t. They may come up with their own way of doing things that is genius but not acknowledged by authority figures such as teachers. These kids are connected to something you cannot describe and enjoy being in their own world. You may notice that when they are feeling heard and understood, they express a depth of love that goes beyond this world.

The behavioral issues you are observing come from ONE place. They have a very strong internal sense of who they are BUT this is not being reflected back to them in the world, the system or in other people. They begin to feel very UNSAFE very early on and almost misplaced. They don’t know WHY people aren’t just allowing them to honor themselves. Why THEIR way of doing things is being shamed at school or in general. They feel very deeply and can express these deep feelings very intensely. No one understands why they are so extreme but it is because they experience things through a high sense perception.

They know they are different but up until now, that difference has been described as a disorder and they know this is not the case. Your children are here to change the world into a more authentic place. They act in accordance with how they feel and they get shamed for it because they are not the norm. They learn more visually and they have very specific interests. If we could all relate to them differently, they could relate to themselves with more love. They begin to reject themselves because we have taught them that there is something WRONG with them and they are DIFFERENT or SEPARATE from the whole. All fear is created from a sense of separateness which feels unsafe. These children are here to usher in the ONENESS that is the Universe. They are connected to Universal Laws rather than societal rules.

It is hard enough to feel different from most people in the world, but often they also feel different than their own family. There needs to be a more inclusive, positive approach. Instead of medicating there needs to be meditating. When I became a teenager I discovered spirituality in a more personal way. I saw that I was different but in a good way. I had deep insights about life, the universe and myself. I saw the world in a holistic way, like most of these kids do. The issue for me as a teen was extreme SELF DOUBT. This doubt came from the way people had related to me as a child. To be told you need medication to be like everybody is very damaging and untrue. These children know who they are but they need your support to help them in their mission. We are natural perfectionists so any criticism from others is nothing compared to their self criticism and only exacerbates it.

To be praised instead of shamed, to be taught to go within instead of listening to all the opinions outside. These children can do wonders for our society and our world but they need to be LOVED for who and how they naturally are. A daily practice of tuning inward and honoring themselves changes everything. A daily practice of journaling so that their unique voices can be expressed. A weekly meeting within the family to express feelings, perspectives and emotional needs. A sense of connection and belonging will do wonders for these children and for you. They can and will bring an expanded perspective to your life and inspire you to become more unconditional. It is time for us to wake up as a world and shift our own perspective. Less labeling and more integrating.

I hope you all have a beautiful day. If you have questions or comments please email me at candacevandell@gmail.com

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